Well I've just heard that my blood count is fine (rather better than on previous occasions in fact, probably due to all the extra stuff they pumped into me during my stay in hospital) so the last chemo is going ahead tomorrow. My mood finally lifted a bit at about midday yesterday, and it really did feel quite specifically like that time, so whether there's a bit of a chemical/hormonal influence going on, or whether it was to do with telling the consultant everything that was wrong with my stay in hospital followed by dissolving into tears on her in the morning I don't know. (Don't worry, they were assertive tears, not wussy ones). However I could feel a bit of extra energy coming back in (again almost chemically) and pulled off the best roast pork dinner (postponed from Sunday cos Gabriel was a bit unwell so had to be dumped on his poor dad at short notice) I've managed in a long time. Organic pork and locally scrumped apples see. Does the trick.
So now it's the recovery from this one to get through, hopefully without getting any infection this time. I'm beginning to get the side-effect of the nerve endings in fingers and toes becoming painful, which is currently only showing as blood under the fingernails (yuk - some people have their nails split all the way down or come off altogether which sounds incredibly painful and hard to deal with). I'm hoping mine doesn't develop to that after this chemo. At the moment it looks and feels as though I've slammed a car door on my fingers which makes it really hard to handle things, open packets, pull washing out of the machine etc (enter kids stage left). Not sure how you operate at all once they split or come off - must be like chewing steak with a mouthful of baby teeth that are all wobbly and about to come out. Presumably you just don't.
In order to safeguard my few days away in Essex with Mike I shall be avoiding all possible routes of infection for the next couple of weeks until I'm sure I'm back up to normal blood count - please don't anyone be offended if that means my cancelling at short notice for something that might normally seem trivial.
So that'll be that. On to the radiotherapy. Let's hope I don't have to go through chemo again, or not for many years if I do - can't say I'll miss it.