Thursday, 20 May 2010

shouldn't speak too soon...

I think the big fatigue has hit me, although it might be because of/aided by a threatened cold after Lucy had a snuffle at the weekend, but it's so hard to tell. One of the worst aspects of this treatment, as I think I've mentioned before, is not being able to tell which of the many causes available to me now are responsible for what. Has my foot just fallen off because it's a rare side-effect of the tamoxifen or is it the end of the side-effects of the chemotherapy working their way through? Or is it a completely new disease? Exercising me more is my now very painful back, where the hot water bottle has predictably returned but it all feels a lot worse than it did. Lying awake in some discomfort last night I had one of those rational explanation moments (you know how you do) when I suddenly thought, actually, all this rubbing-in of cream on my back added to the prodding around when the radiographers move me a couple of millimetres on the couch has probably done it no good whatsoever. So I have resolved to tell everyone to be very gentle with me, but I don't know longer-term how this is to get cured.

The tiredness yesterday was of the sleeping for about 13 hours, feeling a bit sick if I stood up for too long type, so I'm beginning to feel a bit fed up of it all now. Funny how being so close to the end can feel like a huge obstacle - I can't help feeling "oh god, six more days of this before I can even start to recover!" I do feel rather like I've been in a car crash. Can't wait to get back swimming; I am so stiff-jointed and my back is so stiff that I resemble an octogenarian when I get out of people's cars back from the hospital - they've started to get parking tickets, it takes me so long.

Still, onwards and continuing, and thanks to all my masseurs and masseuses!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Belinda. One more day? We’re thinking of you, and wish you a very speedy recovery. You’ll be back in the garden and studying your nutritional textbooks in no time! Love to you all. Rachel and Simon xxx